If one is gay but has a ';don't ask don't tell'; policy - for e.g. they find it difficult to be openly gay at their workplace / community bcos of the conservative nature of the same.
He avoids getting involved with other guys bcos most of the guys he has met made use of his situation to put pressure or blackmail or harass him either for things, money etc.
It's come to a situation where he doesn't get involved with guys he meets at gay venues etc. let alone get involved in a relationship for fear of the falling for the same type of guys as said above.
He would love to have a stable relationship with a decent guy.
Any thoughts?How does one deal with guys who get close to you just to use you?
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS...It has taken me a lot of hard knocks and bad breaks to learn this, but if someone makes your skin crawl or the hair on the back of your neck stand straight up, go with that first impression. You can usually spot bad actors and poseurs on-sight, and they are definitely the types you don't need in your life at all. Just like straight women know what a lech/user looks and sounds like, the same goes for gay men.
And though it doesn't apply to all of them, watch the pretty boys especially...there are some real pieces of work out there, who use their looks and bodies to get what they want (and usually do)! You won't think there's anything wrong with it...until they leave your wallet empty and your life in shambles.How does one deal with guys who get close to you just to use you?
So many of us find ourselves in the same situation. It's upsetting that the few bad apples make themselves so well known and ruin it for many.
OK I'm obviously not gay, but what youa re decribing is no different than any of the issues any person encounters when looking for a relationship.
(Even straight men get blackmailed by gold digging women. And women get used by men usually for sex but sometimes money).
I would say learn to love yourself first. Once you appreciate how valuable you are, you develop a sixth sense about what is 'right' and acceptable about the way other ppl treat you.
And once you see the value in yourself, amazingly other ppl become attracted to you because they see how centred you are (and valuable), and YOU start attracting ppl who also want a stable relationship too.
Then all you've got to worry about is which one to choose :-)
as a gay man i personally can understand why you'd wish to keep your personal life seperate from your work life however there are too many guys out there that are unable to respect someone elses choices so feel they can hold you to ransom for their own selfish gains.
i think when meeting guys that you should tell them the score as regards your choice to keep work %26amp; personal lives seperate,if they can't respect or understand that then its best to walk away.
for me its a case of once bitten twice shy so it takes me a long time to get the trust to let anyone near.
i'd like to add that i wish you well in finding a decent guy,they do exist out there just try to avoid letting your heart rule your head.
take care.
Next time you meet a pal,,,please go slow and really get to know him , now the situation is ....you will meet that certain someone,,,its best to wait,,,and when you have met that special person the wait will have been worth it ,Good Luck,,,
Next time get to know some one before trying to settle down
Not a problem, I did a Commando course near Spean Bridge and learned unarmed combat, OK so it was intended to kill folk but the principles can be applied to office relationships using only sufficient force for a spell in intensive care..... its like falling off a bike you dont forget.
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