How do you guys deal with death?

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ THIS. If you want too, I greatly appreciate it.





Okay, the first think I am going to do is apologize. This really doesn't have all that much to do with horses, although they are included in the rant I am about to provide to you. I am only posting this in the horse section because this is the only place I post things on Y!A and think you guys give really thoughtful feedback no matter what the situation.





Let me first tell you that this has NOT been a good summer.


The bad things started happening basically right when summer began.


The first bad thing was my first accident. I swerved to avoid a deer and ran into a nice concrete barrier, and completely trashed both right rims, and tires on my car, and I messed up the alignment. I was even more bothered by this because my car is quite new, not brand spankin' right off the dealer lot new, but an '07 and I thought my parents were going to have my head. But surprisingly I didn't get in trouble, and we fixed Optimus (That's my cars name(: Cause it's a Kia Optima.) and I went on with my business.


On to the next bad thing. This one was quite recent. I was coming home from the Battle Ground skate park with my best friend and a couple of our guy friends that we had been watching skate, and my tire blew out. Tyler, one of the guys, changed it for me, and I went home and once again thought I was dead, but did not get in trouble. O.o We got a new tire, and I once again went on with my business.


Until the next day, while I was out shopping with my friends, I turned a corner and there was a girl literally standing in the middle of the road. So of course I slammed on my brakes, and my other friend, who was turning the blind corner behind me couldn't see me do so and rammed in to the back end of poor Optimus. She royally screwed up the back of my car, and no damage at all was done to hers. Went home, told my parents, and now Optimus is fixed once again. With me getting into no trouble, which once again I truly expected. One other small incident was when I was driving the brand new mustang my mom and I share, and I almost hit a deer. %26gt;.%26lt;





Okay, here comes the really bad stuff.


I go to a small school; About 600 people, in SW Washington state.


This years graduating class was 125, and even though I am only about to be a junior, I knew all of them. Heck, I have grown up with most of them. But on August 10th, the graduating class went from 125 to 121 because four people, Aja Gerrity, Jason Carter, Amanda Williams, and Richie Araiza were killed in a head on collision while driving to the coast. Dustin Leitzell is the only survivor, and he has recently come out of ICU with 92 broken bones, a newly inflated lung, and a metal plate in his head. This accident hit my town HARD. And I do and know I will think about it everyday for a very long time.





Uck, I'm really sorry for writing all this, and I'm almost done. But I just really need to vent.





My friends parents own their own barn, and board about 50 horses including their own there, and over the course of this summer 7 horses have died, all from totally different illnesses, not associated with the barn, don't worry. haha


Various other animals of my friends have died also, and it was just begining to get overwhelming, and today it finally just hit me so hard.





It hit me so hard today, because yesterday while sitting at the booth for my high schools equestrian team, we were wondering why Chelsea was late. She was supposed to be bringing the other stuff for the booth, because her mom is the treasurer or something of the team, I knew she had woken up late, but she was taking forever. I got a call from her and she was just bawling. She said she was going to be a little late, and I said what's wrong and she said she got in a car accident. She had just left her house, and while trying to avoid a cat crossing the road, swerved into a ditch, bounced out of that one, and into another, went under a fence, and slid accross an entire field landing in the driveway about a 1/4 mile away. Of course the first thing I thought to make sure about was that she was okay. The stitches from a small surgery had opened up on her knee, but that was all. She totaled the entire right side of her car, a black Mustang. We both got our Mustangs at about the same time, and we have only had them for about 3 months. They are getting it fixed and it is going to cost about half of the origional price to do so. After it is fixed it has to get an entirely new paint job because there is not one panel on that car that isn't scratched. They have to get a new hood, and door, and something was leaking pretty bad when we left our school and went to the crash site yesterday. She didn't get in trouble for this and we were just getting over it and laughing it off last night when I left her house at about 11. This morning I went over there, like I do everyday to ride my mare, and I walked into their garage. Her boyfriend, and my best gHow do you guys deal with death?
Hi...you have had a rough summer. It can seem overwhelming when so much happens in a short period of time. You already have some great answers, so mine will be brief. The best way to deal with death is to let yourself feel the sadness and anger, and go ahead and cry and talk about it, and even lay around in bed for a few days wallowing in self pity. You'll soon get sick of yourself, and be ready to go back to face the world head on again. People who postpone the grieving process by throwing themselves into work, or stuffing their feelings actually suffer longer, and can even manifest physical illness from it. It isn't weak to face your feelings....it's smart. Death is as much a part of life as breathing....so learning how to deal with it is a pretty important stage in our development. You'll surprise yourself sometimes at how well you can deal with things if you give yourself permission to just feel what you feel, and then get back on with it.How do you guys deal with death?
Oh my goodness! That is a LOT to take in. First of all you shouldn't be so surprised that your parents didn't get mad about the car accidents. These things happen, they weren't your fault and they were just grateful that you weren't hurt. Rule of life...kids wreck cars. Both of my kids wrecked cars...more than once. I was just grateful they weren't hurt. One of my greatest nightmares is to get a call saying my child is never coming home again.





We also live in a small town that has lost several teen agers in accidents. It is very hard to accept when such young people are gone. We gather and share our memories of the ones that are gone. I've found that pictures help. If it helps...I can promise you that it DOES get easier with time and time and distance are the only things that truely help the grief.





Now to get to something more practical....when driving a car it is sooooo important that you not try to split your attention and you concentrate solely on driving the car as safely as you can. You obviously live somewhere where wildlife is a very real danger. Make sure you go the posted speed limit and are constantly scanning the side of the road for wildlife. If you are traveling at night use your highbeams to spot the glow from their eyes. You have a better chance of avoiding danger by staying alert. Do not use your cell phone or mess around with other passengers keep your eyes and attention on the road. I have avoided several near misses by staying alert to the possibility of deer popping out of nowhere. My kids, not so much :) Forgive the lecture but I'm a mom and can't seem to help myself. :)





Hugs to you.
Wow! I know you don't really want pity, but I'm sorry! D:





Dealing with death is hard. It is probably one of the hardest things you have to do in life. But you have to accept that they are gone, and try to move on. I know, this doesn't seem very helpful, but this is what I did when my Aunt died.





Hope this helps. :)
Wow. All love your way-- this has been a tough summer indeed.





Alright, some things I think about: Life is death. We don't want death, but it's proof of our life. It is the one thing we can't truly control, and that scares us more than anything. But it shows we care, and it shows we are alive.





I hug my horse. I cry on her, and tell her all the angry words inside of me. She chews her hay in response, reminding me that life goes on, and that she needs me. She also breaths on me, reminding me that we all have to keep breathing, as long as we can. She's warm, which loosens my tight chest.





I keep going, because:


If I give up, then their death was pointless. If I go on, celebrate their memory, and live what they taught me, then in a way they live forever.


If I stop going, and cry and cry, I might miss the wonderful part of life, and those I have lost don't want that.


If I quit trying, then I won't reach people and animals anymore, I won't teach them and save them and love them, and how terrible a loss would that be?





Our school in the last year has lost 2 students, a teacher, two coaches, and an employee who was very loved. Death exists, but we remember the good things, because in that way we beat death, and our loved ones live on.





The hardest lesson of all. Look to life. We may have lost many we love, but there are many more who are still with us. Count our blessings. Cry, rage, hurt... then make another list of all the love that still surrounds us.








And in the end, if your pain goes beyond the point of taking, then you call a teacher or parent, and tell them you need help. It's hard to do, but if you can't pull yourself up from the pain, find someone who can.
Aw, its okay.





Conicidentally, my dog died yesterday! She was really old, she died in her sleep. It still hit me hard, because she has been apart of our family for well over half of my life.





It sounds like you are going through a really tough time. I know how it feels. There is a lot going on in my life right now too, parents are divorcing, I had to move out to a tiny appartment, lots of restraining order drama, my dad took almost all I have in the divorce (took CHRISTMAS PRESENTS back from me!), I almost am too poor to keep my horses anymore, my favorite teacher has cancer, it just keeps going on!





But you know what I have found out helps? Stop focusing on the bad! These events happened over the course of your WHOLE summer, right? What happened in between the bad events? GOOD events. So you need to try to focus on those.





While I was too busy worrying about money or dangerous people violating their restraining orders, I completely overlooked the good things. Almost everyday this summer I stayed out and partied with my friends. We had so much fun. I went swimming, I went riding, I relaxed sometimes. I am glad I have my health, I am glad I at least HAVE a roof over my head (no matter how small it is), and I am glad I at least have horses at all.





Try doing that. Try (even though its hard) looking past all the negative things, and look at the positive things. Its tough, but hold on, because it can only go uphill from here. You'll see. And just remember, you arent alone. There are lot of other people going through hard times out there.








Edit------





Oh, and I forgot to mention, its pefectly O.K. to cry. Just let it out. I cry at least once a week (in solitude of course). I go to the park and cry. I cry into my horses mane. I certainly dont try to cry, but I refuse to hold it in.





Its actually more than okay to cry, its encouraged! Did you know that there is actually toxic chemicals in tears of sadness? Isnt that bizarre? I read about it in a science magazine. They have done studies, and apparently tears of sadness are actually chemically different than tears of joy. It just strikes my curiousity to wonder if the toxic materials in sad tears are what deplete the serotonin in your brain, and cause depression.





Sorry, for the last few sentences - its the future Psychologist in me! (or at least I want to be...)
I listen to music,


I go outside and take walks,


I cry


I talk to my friends


I go horseback riding


I do something that helps me forget about it (it varies with everyone)


Sorry to hear about your bad summer =[ I really am, I'm not just saying that.
I read it. I don't know that I believe all of it, but I read it.





In this state, two accidents in two months would result in a license suspension. Your parents wouldn't have any say in it; it's up to the court.





You say you had two other near misses.





I advise you to change your driving habits - perhaps stop driving all together for a while - so your parents, your friends, your family, your school, and your town don't have to cope with another death: yours.





Give some meaning to the tragic loss of four young people in your school by vowing to learn from their loss. That's the best thing you can ever do for them: give their death meaning. Do that by slowing down, by paying attention, by driving safely and conservatively and not having accidents and near misses. Do that by LIVING.





By 19 year old brother died in a car accident 34 years ago. I've never gotten over it... but you go on. After a while, it becomes bearable, and the grief spells get further and further apart. You learn to live with it; you learn to be happy again. Put one foot in front of the other and keep going.





Allow yourself to remember and to grieve. But learn from their tragedy, and don't make a new one.








Edit: Honey, anyone having that many near misses, whether they consider themselves at fault or not, needs to take a long hard look at their driving.





You can take my advice, or not. But YOU asked for it, and I gave my sincere opinion. Your reaction just solidifies my perceptions of you.
Every time i have had to deal with a death i go ride my horse I have 7 but i have a cremello mare that i have had for 8 years she is my best friend and the love of my life. I love my fiance and he is very supportive but my horse never asks me why im upset ortells me to stop crying. Im sorry you have had a rough summer.


Things will start getting better for you. Crying is a good way to release anxiety. good luck and take care and i will keep you in my prayers.