How do you guys deal with your issues?

Lately I've made the mistake of thinking a lot about my life in the wake of a bad relationship which ended.





I was never one to think too much about psychology or the inner workings of my mind but I guess I realized I have a lot of issues and I think it's really influencing how I deal with others and how I feel about myself.





I got issues about my dad abandoning me as a baby, I got issues because my mother was mentally ill and I had to assume lots of responsibility at a young age and I have issues because after my girl started treating me like crap I realized that she was the only person who ever really cared for me, and she couldn't keep doing it even though I tried my best to make things work and make her happy.





I'm seriously not too sure how to deal with stuff, I feel like I am just inherantly unlovable even though I know I am not a bad guy.





How do you guys all deal with your issues, what helps you feel better or progress in your lives?How do you guys deal with your issues?
I strongly suggest taking some time to think about yourself and your standards.


Evidently your standards in life are yours and are not helpful to you in functioning in society. Maybe it's time for self evaluation and you can do one of two things. Accept who you are or change who you are. Sorry, but those are your options.


You yourself are probably quite lovable by others, but your behavior is not. Change the behavior.How do you guys deal with your issues?
my mum is mentally ill too. she can be really 'wired' sometimes and coping with her can be really overwhelming. when something bad happens (which is like everyday) i cope with it by doing something i like to make myself feel better, i try to forget about and block it out. also, if i have an issuse at home i try to focus at school, and if i have an issuse with friends i try to focus on studying. so i try not to concentrate on that issuse and i try to focus on something else.


i know it sounds stupid (and i know how it feels to be patronised) but maybe you can try to make yourself feel better to by doing something you like and maybe you can try to focus on the better things in your life.


when i feel like making progress in an aspect of my life, i set myself very easy to complete goals and i find that when i meet them it makes a whole lot of difference. obviously if you make goals that are unreasonable, you wont reach them and you will give up. so if you want to change something in your life, maybe you could do that.


and also, if there are things in your life that are lingering on your mind and if you want answers maybe you should try to find the answers? you could always track down your dad and ask him why he abandoned you, you never know he may have regretted it.


anyway, thats how i cope with difficulties in my life. maybe you can try out my methods of copeing. i hope i helped, good luck and sorry if i didnt make any sence. also, different things work for different people so you should try loads of different ways of coping with issuses.
you need to find a reason to go on or preferably several reasons...do you have any kids hon? thats enough reason for me..i have a lot of problems..but it is them and the very fact that they are in my life that makes me want to make a life for myself and to do things to better myself. getting out and being amongst friends or finding a support group would probably be of great benefit to you...get off the couch,stop brooding because it doesnt get you anywhere..trust me...ive been there and sooner or later it just comes back and bites you.
Well...you are *not* inherently unlovable. You will find a compatible match when you are ready.





I think everyone becomes self-reflective at one point in their lives. It can actually be a good thing because it can surface the things that we hold back from ourselves. Almost all psychotherapy is based on the principle of surfacing these things.





In your case, I'd go out an do, if you are free to. Do and try and live. Find another someone that can help quash your doubts. I find that thinking of others more than me helps me with my own issues.
First, I try to accurately identify the issue. Sometimes I might think the issue is, ';fear of abandonment'; when actually it was ';feeling persecuted.';





Once the issue has been identified, I consider whether feeling persecuted was a rational response or an irrational one; or what percentage was real and what was exaggerated. Sometimes I am persecuted, but only by about 10%, not the 100% that I felt.





When I acknowledge an irrational response, I think of ways that I could react more rationally even though I don't want to. I might have to force myself. (meds help here, otherwise I'd just be hysterical and that's it)





I consider the part played by the other person and whether I provoked it, or whether the person is just like that. Then I might decide to adapt to their crap, I might have to stop provoking them, or I might decide to avoid the person.





The bottom line is: it's pragmatic but there's a lot of resistance to not acting out, since I'd feel more familiar acting out and being a victim.